wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
