i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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