I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize