I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
