This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
