Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
