If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
