wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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