she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My breasts were aching with rage.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
