We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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