well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
