theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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