I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
