I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
