hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
