wrigley field is MILF paradise
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
