508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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