3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
