Your mouth is God's brothel.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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