So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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