I'm jealous of your bromance
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
