how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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