i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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