Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Found your dick twin last night
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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