Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
