No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
