he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
