at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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