Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
