Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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