Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You did what with his pubic hair?
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