feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
