He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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