How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
