I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
