so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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