Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
