need another drink. this is the easiest way
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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