Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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