you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
