you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
