I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
