Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
