Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
