look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
