Already got asked if we're dating
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
