connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
