apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
