remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
