I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
