Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
