i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
