Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
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