If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
If I die, sorry about rent.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
